


Ass, Johnny Cash, or Lawnmower Grass

by Pervasive_Threnody



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Domestic Boyfriends, I think this is funny?, M/M, Pointless, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-09 15:19:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19478611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pervasive_Threnody/pseuds/Pervasive_Threnody
Summary: No one rides for free.  Stupid idea doesn't build itself.  Rodney doesn't waste his time without John's help.  It's good for him though.





	Ass, Johnny Cash, or Lawnmower Grass

"Get off--why would you--FUCK."  
  
John dropped his book and followed the clattering and swearing--two things that never ended well when Rodney was involved.  
  
Rodney was standing by the garbage can, surrounded by a pile of dust, dirt, kitty litter particles, and several small mountains of cat hair.   
  
The handheld vacuum lay in components at his feet.  
  
At least he wasn't _dead_. "Problems, buddy?"  
  
Rodney glared at him, face pink and shiny. "Look at this," he bellowed.  
  
"I'm looking."  
  
"Look _harder_." He picked up the plastic dust collector, which was supposed to detach from the vacuum and be emptied by way of a lever on the side; the bottom give way on a hinge. "Do you see this? I tried to pull it off and it tripped the release lever at the same time." He let go of it, leveling a hair mountain in his disgust. "Someone thought this was a _good_ idea. _Someone_ got paid to engineer this illogical garbage, and it wasn't me."  
  
John frowned. "Weren't you the one who bought it?"  
  
"Yes, yes, I should have known better, _thank_ you." Rodney kicked a pile. "All the work I just did--all of it--dumped right here on the goddamn floor."  
  
He was on a bender lately, trying to reverse-engineer some doodad for the SGC, and it wasn't going well. Apparently vacuuming the shit out of the house sounded like a fun distraction. John wasn't about to argue, but...  
  
He looked at the piles of dust and crap. He looked at Rodney, flustered and pissy, and thought about things like stress hormones and blood pressure and cardiac events.  
  
"I got a better idea," John said. "Help me sweep this up."  
  
***  
  
"Are you-- _YouTube_? Why are you wasting my time? Why am I _asking_ why you're wasting my time? That's all you _do_."  
  
"No, no, hold on--look." John typed a quick search and clicked on the first result. " _Look_."  
  
Rodney, arms wrapped tight, glanced at the screen. Looked at it. Stared, his arms slowly unfolding to drop at his sides.  
  
"Oh my god. Is that--"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"That's--but I could totally--that's _pedestrian_ \--it's not even aerodynamic--what's the power supply, a wire stuck in a yam?--I could do _so_ much better--"  
  
John smacked him on the ass. "That's the spirit."  
  
***  
  
Three greasy, sweaty days and many greasy, sweaty interruptions later:  
  
"You're sure this will work."  
  
"Do you _know_ me? Flip the damn switch--holy shit."   
  
John watched the remote-controlled lawnmower depart serenely from the ground and putter through the air in a lazy circle. "Yep, it's working."  
  
"We did it, we fucking did it," Rodney crowed, doing a little hop. The lawnmower dipped and John lunged for the remote.  
  
"Lemme, lemme have it."  
  
"Zoomie." Rodney surrendered the remote, but he was grinning, delighted, which was all John really wanted.   
  
"Do a barrel roll," he yelled. He tapped Z or R twice, attempted an Immelmann or two--little clumsy for that--then veered it off to a neighboring yard. "We should--"  
  
"Oh my god yes."   
  
They spent a happy interval watching the flying lawnmower through the remote camera as it zoomed through the neighborhood, to the terror and confusion of cats, deliverymen, and actual lawn-mowing people alike.  
  
"This is amazing," John whooped. He aimed it at an intersection and two cars almost wrecked. "Uh."  
  
Rodney was laughing too hard to speak. Finally: "Yeah, okay, yeah, bring it back."  
  
"Shoulda painted flames on it," John mused as he cruised it home. "Backward."  
  
"No."  
  
"Bet we could make a killing on aftermarket accessories."  
  
"Shut _up_."  
  
The craft landed safely, a leaf-munching leaf kissing a leafy green pond. Rodney gazed at it fondly. "You'll never hear me say it again, but every once in a while you have a good idea."  
  
"I got a better one."   
  
"Yeah?" Rodney looked up. John _might_ have been gazing fondly at _him_. _Maybe_.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
John set down the remote and kissed him.

**Author's Note:**

> From a Tumblr prompt of, well, my own: "I really don’t know why but I want someone John to convince Rodney to waste his time building stupid shit like this (insert videos of stupid pointless things people have made)."
> 
> https://pervasivethrenody.tumblr.com/post/185968373851/i-really-dont-know-why-but-i-want-someone-john-to
> 
> I had nothing for it until this morning, when this exact thing happened to me with my vacuum, and I looked at it and yelled, "SOMEONE GOT PAID TO ENGINEER THIS AND IT WASN'T ME."
> 
> Whatever works.
> 
> Rodney needs to build a swearing Roomba next. And John would want it to fly too...
> 
> Here's the video John and Rodney watched! Yep, it's an actual thing. But Rodney would so make it better, you know he would. And John would "help." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvIXJBrclLY


End file.
